Parenting

As parents we try to do everything we can for our children. We make decisions daily that may determine who they become, where they will go in their life, how they will view themselves...and it can be overwhelming. Sometimes parenting is the biggest joy in my life but there are times it's the biggest burden, too. It's a burden because of the huge weight that rests on my shoulders. Who thought I was qualifed to do this job, anyways?? Who gave me the right to teach what little I know to these perfect little babies?
I've made many poor choices in my life. Some are bigger than others, but they all result in a worry about how it's affected or is affecting my children. Especially Ryan. I always wonder if I'm doing enough for him, if I have made the right decisions, if I am following the proper paths to ensure that he is able to grow to his full potential. And I know that there are times I fail at this.
The other day, Ryan had gotten into trouble because of his violent behavior towards his sister Clara. He was sitting on the couch pouting when I heard him mumble something. I said "What, Ryan?" and he repeated louder "You're a bad mom".


gasp.



Did he really just say that to me?


(tears)


"Please go to your room, Ryan".


(more tears)



What did I do wrong? Why did he say that? He's never said that in all his 7 1/2 years. I know he was upset because I had gotten angry with him but...did he really mean that? Am I a bad mom?


I know (hope) he didn't really mean that. But it's the first in probably a long list of times where I am going to feel like a complete failure as a mother.

BUT...today is a new day.