Behaviors

Ryan has always been...wait...let me start over. Ryan is typically a mellow, easy going, happy child. Years ago when he was a toddler and into age 5 he struggled with his Autism-related issues. He spoke only single words, he had an extremely difficult time transitioning, he would hardly eat any foods, he was very particular about how he wanted things done (to the point where we had to do things several times sometimes to have it done 'just right'), he would meltdown over seemingly simple things, he would self-stimulate, he wouldn't make eye contact, he couldn't hold any kind of conversation, etc etc etc I could go on and on. However, with the intense therapy he's recieved since his diagnosis, I have had the pleasure of watching him blossom into the amazing child he is today. He grew so much in Kindergarten last year. He still struggles with some things but some of the issues and behaviors he had 4 years ago have disappeared completely, or are so rare that it's not worth mentioning. BUT now...now I'm facing a whole new round of behaviors that I'm unfamiliar with. Ryan has become somewhat violent. And defiant. For example, he choked a boy on the bus, he shoved his not-quite-2-year-old sister into a wall, he yells at me, he stomps, he throws things, he bit his sister on the arm... and I don't know how to stop these things, because I have no experience in this area, especially with a child with Autism.
I kind of feel that I may have become slack in my dealing with Ryan. He's been doing so well the last year and a half that perhaps I've let my guard down a bit. But since he's been written up twice at school this year, I need to step up my game again. I have begun reading and researching again. I need to know WHY he is doing these things in order to help him. Some of you may not understand why this is such a challenge in itself. The mind of a child with Autism is a puzzle...it's a maze...it's a mystery. It's finding all these pieces and trying them in this combination, then that combination only to throw half the pieces away and starting over with new ones. Sometimes a child with Autism is hitting because s/he is constipated. Or because s/he is hungry. Or hot. Or mad because someone hurt them and they can't verbally communicate what happened. Or the tag in their shirt is bugging them. THERE ARE SO MANY BIG AND SMALL THINGS that can bother these kids that sometimes we can never figure it out. Most of the time I can with Ryan, especially now that he's pretty verbal...but how does a child tell you why they are frustrated, when they themselves don't even know why.
The trick with Ryan is that I need to help him realize it's OK to be angry, it's OK to be frustrated or hurt or happy or scared or whatever else...but it's NOT OK to hit, choke, slap or bite anyone for any reason. And sometimes, he doesn't even know that he's exhibited poor behaviors. SIGH. It's a giant puzzle. And right now I'm missing the picture that shows me where they go.
But don't worry, Ryan. I'll figure it out. I always do. With the help of the doctors, therapists, books, websites, my Autism mothers who've "been there, done that"...I will put this puzzle together.