Self-Awareness

Ryan spent the weekend with his dad, Casey. He and I were talking today about a few things regarding Ryan, and he said "Oh, there was a story I forgot to tell you. We were on our way to my parent's house and Ryan asked me out of nowhere, 'Dad, what's Autism?'". I asked Casey how he responded and he replied "Well, buddy, it's when a person learns differently than other people" and Ryan said "I have Autism, right, Dad?" Casey said "Yes you do, buddy", to which Ryan said "Oh, okay".

I can't tell this story without crying. He is growing up. He is becoming AWARE. To some, this isn't a big deal, but to a child on the spectrum...it's what can set him/her apart from other children. To my son, he hasn't always noticed what is going on around him. He doesn't look out the window and wonder what people are up to, or where they are going. He sits and tells his Lego Woody doll all the lines from Toy Story 3. So to have a moment where he seems so CONNECTED...its priceless. But then again, it scares me to my core.

Knowing that he has Autism, does that mean he knows he's different? Do the other kids in his class notice? Do they tease him? Does he KNOW that they are teasing him? Do they take advantage of him? All these fears are swirling in my head. I want to protect him. I want to sheild him from this horrible world. I want him to know, to his core, that he is the most special, beautiful amazing person ever to grace this world. I want him to know that he is MORE than Autism; he is Ryan.

But more than any of that, I want the world to know...to know that he IS amazing, beautiful, perfect in all the ways that it is flawed. He doesn't hate, or hurt, or look down upon you. He hugs you and loves you and wants your love back. Please, World...Please don't hurt my baby. He doesn't deserve it.