Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Nagini: A Boy and his 'Pet Snake'
Ryan has been asking for a snake for MONTHS. It began sometime last summer. He started talking about a 'pet snake' and he told me how pet snakes are nice but wild snakes are mean. He asked if he could have a pet snake. I told him maybe someday. I figured this train of thought would jump the tracks fairly soon...as most of them are short lived. This subject did not die. So finally, I caved. I began researching and emailing with breeders to find out what snakes were the best for beginners and for small children, what the care would entail, expenses, etc. I had a friend who had a tank to sell and we began the process! I found a beautiful snowflake corn snake at PetCo. Ryan was thrilled with it. We brought it home, set up the tank and really just enjoyed watching our new pet. Ryan asks to hold her every day. He loves watching her eat the pinkie mice (teeny tiny baby mice that are still pink and hairless). His focus is sharp, his language is clear and he is paying attention to something outside of himself. He adores holding her and he tells me all about what's happening while he's 'playing' with her. He notices little things in her skin and was thrilled to see when she shed that first layer of skin. I can talk about science with him; life cycles, metamorphasis, eating patterns and reproduction are some of the topics we have covered already. It's really amazing. Clara has been excited about the snake, though Eric and Mike are a little less than thrilled. :) A snake is not the pet I would have picked for our family but it's been amazing so far. It's been very beneficial to Ryan and that's the most important thing.
Sibiling Rivalry
I know there is a standard amount of conflict that arises between siblings...however, with my son Ryan and daughter Clara, that level is spiraling out of control. I believe they hate eachother. And I'm at a loss to know how to fix it.
Everything Clara does bothers Ryan. Her typical 2 year old behaviors send him into a sensory overload that usually results in anger and a meltdown. She doesn't understand how to share or that sometimes objects belong to other people. So when she 'steals' something of Ryan's, he flips out. He hits her. He kicks her. He slaps her. He cries and screams and pulls his hair and hits his head with a closed fist. He stomps and slamps doors. These behaviors also come after she enters his bedroom (she doesn't have to do more than just walk through the doorway) or if she does something she's not supposed to but that doesn't involve him. For example, the other day, I asked her to hand me something and she threw it on the floor instead. Before I could even move to respond to her behavior, Ryan had grabbed her arm and yelled "CLARA! NO!" He feels like it's HIS job to discipline her, to reprimand her. He doesn't understand that what WE do is not okay for HIM to do.
On the other hand, she is not an innocent bystander. She knows how to get him riled up and she does it on purpose. She takes his toys, she screams at him, she pokes and prods him, she scratches him...she only does these things to him. She waits for the perfect opportunity and she strikes. It's really bothersome to me. I feel like she's bullying him. And she's hardly 2 years old!
The stress of this situation is really starting to wear on our family. I don't know what to do. Neither of them really understand. Ryan says things like "I hate Clara" or "Clara is too loud" or "I don't like Clara"...and about Nicholas (who can be equally annoying) he says "The baby is SO cute!" or "Look at Nicholas!" It breaks my heart.
Everything Clara does bothers Ryan. Her typical 2 year old behaviors send him into a sensory overload that usually results in anger and a meltdown. She doesn't understand how to share or that sometimes objects belong to other people. So when she 'steals' something of Ryan's, he flips out. He hits her. He kicks her. He slaps her. He cries and screams and pulls his hair and hits his head with a closed fist. He stomps and slamps doors. These behaviors also come after she enters his bedroom (she doesn't have to do more than just walk through the doorway) or if she does something she's not supposed to but that doesn't involve him. For example, the other day, I asked her to hand me something and she threw it on the floor instead. Before I could even move to respond to her behavior, Ryan had grabbed her arm and yelled "CLARA! NO!" He feels like it's HIS job to discipline her, to reprimand her. He doesn't understand that what WE do is not okay for HIM to do.
On the other hand, she is not an innocent bystander. She knows how to get him riled up and she does it on purpose. She takes his toys, she screams at him, she pokes and prods him, she scratches him...she only does these things to him. She waits for the perfect opportunity and she strikes. It's really bothersome to me. I feel like she's bullying him. And she's hardly 2 years old!
The stress of this situation is really starting to wear on our family. I don't know what to do. Neither of them really understand. Ryan says things like "I hate Clara" or "Clara is too loud" or "I don't like Clara"...and about Nicholas (who can be equally annoying) he says "The baby is SO cute!" or "Look at Nicholas!" It breaks my heart.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Christmas Vacation
Sigh.
Changes in routine are always hard for children with Autism; even if it's supposed to be something 'fun' like Christmas vacation. My son gets off his routine and schedule and it makes everything more challenging. He doesn't like not knowing what's coming up, or what's going to happen next. He is much more emotional and on edge during these times.
We began our vacation on Thursday night; leaving Fargo around 6 pm in the middle of a snow storm. We spent the night in a hotel in Miles City, MT and continued to my parent's house in Kalispell, Montana the next day. We arrived around 6:45 pm Christmas Eve, very much to Ryan's delight. He loves my parents. They have a special bond...it's quite amazing.
Ryan did pretty well Christmas morning. He and his brother got up at 6:30 am and I told them it was too early to wake everyone up. We watched 'A Christmas Story' until 8 and then I told them to go get Grandpa and Grammy up. His patience was tested while he waited to open stockings and later his gifts. The joy he gets from his gifts is amazing. He is truly thankful for everything, and usually his favorite toys are small, cheap little stocking stuffers. I love that about him. He doesn't need a $300 gaming system to be happy. Give him a little rubbery ninja that you can shoot with your fingers and he's good. Later that day we went to my grandparent's house for supper and more gifts with family. We have a Thanksgiving type supper for Christmas; turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, the WORKS. Plus my Aunt Joy had brought some veggies and dip, and also made an amazing avocado/salsa dip. There was so much food! As I went to dish Ryan up...I could hardly find anything he would eat. All this amazing food and he wouldn't eat any of it. I think he ended up with a dinner roll, a banana and some ham. I wish I knew why foods were so hard for him. I wish he could enjoy all the different foods available to him. But then again, he doesn't care. Maybe I shouldn't either. He doesn't feel like he's missing out on something...so maybe he's not. It might be one of those times I need to put my notions of what is "special" to the side and see the world through his eyes. He doesn't need special foods or a fancy meal to be happy. He's content being with his family.
I took Ryan to the new Chronicles of Narnia movie. WOW! What a great movie! He was so good during it. There were some darker, scary parts and he leaned in close to me, and finally asked to sit on my lap. I don't mind. I like listening to his questions and the running commentary he has about different things he sees in the movie...however, the other patrons probably don't. I kept asking him to be quiet, and just listen. He turned to me and said "but I just want to tell you something!" I stopped caring about what the other people might think and he and I shared a wonderful experience. He was very excited after the movie and I again reveled in the pure joy that he has in his life.
We went snowshoeing one day. He was so funny! He kept eating snow. He would find these harder pieces of snow and eat them. He told me that it tastes like ice cream. I laughed and disagreed but didn't discourage him. He walked along with us without complaint. He loves being in nature. Hiking is also something he does very well for a child his age. He gets angry when we have to stop and turn around. While we were trudging through the snow, he liked to look for deer and other animals. We didn't see anything but it didn't diminish his optimism.
Another day we took him to an indoor mini-water park thing. It had a shallow splash pool for younger kids and a huge waterslide on the other side. There was also a lap pool and a smaller therapy pool. He loves the shallow pools and likes watching the buckets dump water out, but doesn't want to be splashed by it. He also refuses the waterslide. This is the kid who loves to ride the largest roller coaster possible but he won't go down a waterslide. He did amazing in the lap pool, however. My dad took him in there and Ryan was eventually jumping off the side of the pool without my dad catching him! It was amazing :) He is getting much more comfortable in the water. This was an area of stress for Ryan for many years. I'm so happy he is learning to enjoy it.
Grandpa took Ryan and Eric sledding one afternoon. Ryan found this hilarious because Grandpa was screaming the whole way down the hill. But Ryan also went pee and poop in his pants. He still gets so focused on what he is doing that he will completely stop paying attention to his body and it's needs. (He also had 2 pooping accidents on the drive home as well...it was a pretty big regression for him.)
Saying goodbye to Grammy and Grandpa is a near-tortuous event. For Ryan and myself. I can't help myself from crying, which makes Ryan very upset. He cried this time for about 20 minutes. He doesn't understand the distance between their house and ours. When we arrived at the hotel that night, he said "Tomorrow, we go back to Grammy and Grandpa's house". Usually after a few days he gets back into routine and we go about our regular lives. This time was different. The stuggle for Ryan to get back into routine was harder. I think as he's getting older and is more able to express himself, his feelings are getting stronger. The tranisition back into school and therapy was challenging. It took about 3-4 weeks for things to really get back to normal; for him to stop crying and saying 'I miss Grammy and Grandpa' every few minutes.
Changes in routine are always hard for children with Autism; even if it's supposed to be something 'fun' like Christmas vacation. My son gets off his routine and schedule and it makes everything more challenging. He doesn't like not knowing what's coming up, or what's going to happen next. He is much more emotional and on edge during these times.
We began our vacation on Thursday night; leaving Fargo around 6 pm in the middle of a snow storm. We spent the night in a hotel in Miles City, MT and continued to my parent's house in Kalispell, Montana the next day. We arrived around 6:45 pm Christmas Eve, very much to Ryan's delight. He loves my parents. They have a special bond...it's quite amazing.
Ryan did pretty well Christmas morning. He and his brother got up at 6:30 am and I told them it was too early to wake everyone up. We watched 'A Christmas Story' until 8 and then I told them to go get Grandpa and Grammy up. His patience was tested while he waited to open stockings and later his gifts. The joy he gets from his gifts is amazing. He is truly thankful for everything, and usually his favorite toys are small, cheap little stocking stuffers. I love that about him. He doesn't need a $300 gaming system to be happy. Give him a little rubbery ninja that you can shoot with your fingers and he's good. Later that day we went to my grandparent's house for supper and more gifts with family. We have a Thanksgiving type supper for Christmas; turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, the WORKS. Plus my Aunt Joy had brought some veggies and dip, and also made an amazing avocado/salsa dip. There was so much food! As I went to dish Ryan up...I could hardly find anything he would eat. All this amazing food and he wouldn't eat any of it. I think he ended up with a dinner roll, a banana and some ham. I wish I knew why foods were so hard for him. I wish he could enjoy all the different foods available to him. But then again, he doesn't care. Maybe I shouldn't either. He doesn't feel like he's missing out on something...so maybe he's not. It might be one of those times I need to put my notions of what is "special" to the side and see the world through his eyes. He doesn't need special foods or a fancy meal to be happy. He's content being with his family.
I took Ryan to the new Chronicles of Narnia movie. WOW! What a great movie! He was so good during it. There were some darker, scary parts and he leaned in close to me, and finally asked to sit on my lap. I don't mind. I like listening to his questions and the running commentary he has about different things he sees in the movie...however, the other patrons probably don't. I kept asking him to be quiet, and just listen. He turned to me and said "but I just want to tell you something!" I stopped caring about what the other people might think and he and I shared a wonderful experience. He was very excited after the movie and I again reveled in the pure joy that he has in his life.
We went snowshoeing one day. He was so funny! He kept eating snow. He would find these harder pieces of snow and eat them. He told me that it tastes like ice cream. I laughed and disagreed but didn't discourage him. He walked along with us without complaint. He loves being in nature. Hiking is also something he does very well for a child his age. He gets angry when we have to stop and turn around. While we were trudging through the snow, he liked to look for deer and other animals. We didn't see anything but it didn't diminish his optimism.
Another day we took him to an indoor mini-water park thing. It had a shallow splash pool for younger kids and a huge waterslide on the other side. There was also a lap pool and a smaller therapy pool. He loves the shallow pools and likes watching the buckets dump water out, but doesn't want to be splashed by it. He also refuses the waterslide. This is the kid who loves to ride the largest roller coaster possible but he won't go down a waterslide. He did amazing in the lap pool, however. My dad took him in there and Ryan was eventually jumping off the side of the pool without my dad catching him! It was amazing :) He is getting much more comfortable in the water. This was an area of stress for Ryan for many years. I'm so happy he is learning to enjoy it.
Grandpa took Ryan and Eric sledding one afternoon. Ryan found this hilarious because Grandpa was screaming the whole way down the hill. But Ryan also went pee and poop in his pants. He still gets so focused on what he is doing that he will completely stop paying attention to his body and it's needs. (He also had 2 pooping accidents on the drive home as well...it was a pretty big regression for him.)
Saying goodbye to Grammy and Grandpa is a near-tortuous event. For Ryan and myself. I can't help myself from crying, which makes Ryan very upset. He cried this time for about 20 minutes. He doesn't understand the distance between their house and ours. When we arrived at the hotel that night, he said "Tomorrow, we go back to Grammy and Grandpa's house". Usually after a few days he gets back into routine and we go about our regular lives. This time was different. The stuggle for Ryan to get back into routine was harder. I think as he's getting older and is more able to express himself, his feelings are getting stronger. The tranisition back into school and therapy was challenging. It took about 3-4 weeks for things to really get back to normal; for him to stop crying and saying 'I miss Grammy and Grandpa' every few minutes.
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